The idea that my marriage is worth saving may be a given for some people. As a child of many divorces, however, I recognize that life goes on after a marriage ends. It is sticky, painful, awkward, and terrible, but like any traumatic event, eventually you pick up the pieces and move on. Don't get me wrong, I very much value my marriage, and marriages in general, but I don't believe that Divorce should not be an option when things progress beyond redemption.
I really have never thought that our marriage would end. I love my husband. I may not be as "in love" with him as I was when we said our vows, but I do love him more completely and with greater understanding than I did then. He is my family.
When divorce was brought up, it really threw me. I walked away and had to really think about it. It's obvious that we're broken. We just don't work the way we should. I could see that we were both standing on the edge of a cliff and one wrong step would send us both hurtling into the abyss. I could also see that I could not spend my life up on that cliff with him, my body just can't take that kind of stressful abuse. We really only have 2 options, fix it or forget it.
I want to fix it. I don't want to walk away. I don't want to lose him as my family. I really don't want to amputate that limb. In realizing that, I realized that I need to stop contributing to the twisted dynamic in our relationship. Of course, it would be preferred to have both of us consciously working on that, but healing has to start somewhere. I believe, based on things he's said, that he wants the same thing I do, to keep our marriage from crumbling into dust.
As I mentioned before, this realization has punted me into research mode.
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